All you need to know about the flirting
A girl living in New York might have a different approach to life than a girl from Japan. However, each of them might rack her brain on how to show the guy that she likes him. And how to understand if he likes her back? People are not always straightforward to each other because they are afraid of being rejected. So, they play a good old game called flirting.
You wish you had this subject at school. Obviously, it helps to get people like us. As a result, you can get almost anything you’d like. Just know the rules.
Flirting is an indirect behavior that includes verbal and nonverbal communication. The public, in general, tends to believe that flirting is used only to speed seduction. However, this love game isn’t for lovers exclusively. It can be used in many cases. You can flirt with your best friend, a worker in the bank or your boss.
It doesn’t mean you will have a sexual relationship afterward. Flirting helps to establish a relationship between you and the other person. And of course, it can help to understand how far you can go. So, “I don’t know how to flirt” belief might be a disadvantage nowadays.
Why do people flirt?
You don’t only flirt on a date. You actually try to do it anytime it benefits you. You might call it just being nice, but subconsciously you know the truth. Sometimes you are just flirting your way out.
According to Northern Illinois University professor David Dryden Henningsen, there are six different reasons why people flirt.
• Sex: trying to get into a sexual relationship through flirting. It can be used in marriage and with strangers. Flirting helps to turn your date on or see whether you can go further and end up in bed together.
• Fun: In this case, you can be not attracted to the person you are flirting with. If your main reason for flirting is fun, it means that the conversation is more amusing and playful than usual. Sometimes the fun part is when you make someone feel uncomfortable.
That’s the same when 75-year-old Jack Nicholson flirts with 22-years-old Jennifer Lawrence during Oscars. Obviously, he doesn’t get anything of out this. But him saying that he will be waiting for her in front of other people is so funny! As you can see, it is necessary to know how to flirt with a girl even when you are old.
• Exploring: That is when you wonder if the other person flirts back. It doesn't mean that you should expect something specific out of this flirting. Let's admit it, we all want to get compliments and feel important. You can use the exploring flirting simply out of curiosity without any consequences.
• Relational: Some people want to change friendship into a romantic relationship. In this case, they use flirting to alert the closeness. It is everywhere around. When a girl tries to flirt with a guy in middle school or old friends who decide to start a loving relationship out of the strong friendship.
• Self-esteem: people flirt to feel own importance and increase self-esteem. People love casually flirt, and they do want to know how to flirt better. It gives a lot of positive energy!
Movie stars get compliments, and they don’t need to think about how to get people like them. Not everybody has a million fans through. But we all want attention and appreciation. So, the quickest way to get that is flirting.
• Instrumental: When you flirt with a bartender or a woman in the supermarket, keep in mind that it is nothing else but instrumental flirting. When you want someone to do you a favor, of course, you try to charm the other person. Obviously, it is easier to get something when people like you.
It was detailed in the book of Nicole Williams called Girl on Top. The author says that dating and building a career is pretty the same. It requires the same flirting techniques. Indeed, flirting is commonly used in different moments of our life. Nicole Williams says that if you know how to flirt with an older guy, you will definitely know how to talk to your boss and get promoted.
Important to mention that promotion doesn’t involve having an affair with your company leader. It’s all about being able to present yourself in the best possible light.
According to a research of psychologist Monica M. Moore, Ph.D. of Webster University in St. Louis, being physically attractive can’t always help you succeed in flirting. Monica M. Moore studied people in bars and shopping malls when they met and flirted for the first time. Those who used basic flirting strategies such as being confident, smiling, and using open gestures had more attention.
Being confident. This is a must because it shows that you are comfortable with another person, even if you have just met. You are controlling the situation, so the person you are flirting with feels more attracted to you and safe. It should be used both by men and women.
When you are confident, you show the other person that you are self-aware enough to know own value. Confidence doesn’t only point at leadership, it also helps to encourage positive thinking and assert knowledge. Showing that you know what you are talking about and being an easy-going person is all you need when you flirt with someone.
Smiling is the best way to show people that you like them. You can smile when you see them and when you talk. Just don’t make it creepy. The Smile was invented for a human to show a positive attitude towards others.
When you are at work, and your colleague smiles, saying hi to you, doesn’t it feel nice? With simple smile instead of Hi, this colleague also says: “I’m happy to see you.”
Keep in mind that there is no need to smile when you don’t feel like it. It doesn’t matter how you can stretch the corners of your mouth. People will see that it’s fake. Afterward, subconsciously they might think you are hiding something or not sincere. It is difficult to explain later that the other day your dog died and you were not in the mood back then. So make it right from the beginning.
If you merely feel anxious around someone you want to impress, try to recall the most positive episode in your life. Actually, it can be anything. Starting with a piece of cake waiting for you at home and ending with your first kiss. It will help you smile naturally even when you are scared to death.
Open gestures should be used on a daily basis. It sends a clear message to others. “I’m not afraid, I feel safe around you, I’m confident.”
Some lucky people do it subconsciously so they don’t need to be stressed that they are sitting or standing in the wrong position.
Try to see yourself from someone else's eyes. How do you look? Do you slouch? Do you cross arms and legs? If you do, at least be aware of it. Covering yourself shows other people your anxiety. It means you are not confident enough and try to keep the other person on the distance.
That what the lack of open gestures tells about you. When you talk to someone, just relax. Imagine that you are talking to a person you know very well. Think that you have already done all the job and this person likes you a lot.
The best flirting techniques
Understand the signals
It might be a bit tricky because not all people are good at flirting. Research shows that men usually overestimate women’s sexual interest. On the contrary, ladies underestimate men’s intentions when it comes to flirting. It goes this way because men and women have different approaches, and they might not understand each other. The right time to recall that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.
Women tend to flirt using non-verbal communication. So men should be attentive to details. Eye contact, smiling, eyebrow flashing, playing with hair or accessories. Women want to be secure and get to know the guy before suggesting anything else. No wonder, men are highly attracted to women who are brave enough to say everything directly. From another hand, being direct kills the game. While we are still playing, let’s go further.
Flirting helps to show interest in a deeper relationship with the other person. So, before you start spreading pheromones, try to answer a question. What is your intention? If you merely want to get your neighbor like you, you should be careful with what you are saying.
Flirting is a fantastic thing because you can benefit so much out of it. However, you can quickly fail if you give the wrong impression. Find a line between friendliness and sexual intention.
Use flirting smartly. You don’t want to hurt anyone(including yourself!).
Leave them wanting more
What is the worst thing that can happen while you are flirting with someone?
You will run off the topics and simply get bored. Imagine horrible “we have already discussed everything” silence. Of course, you will want to finish the conversation and escape this awkwardness as soon as possible. A person you want to establish a relationship with won’t want to go back to you in this case.
Don't let it happen. So, leave the bar before it falls apart. You need to keep a mystery so other people will want to talk to you more. Think of popular series. Did you get everything clear in the first episode? No way, they want you to stay, so they prepared for you the intriguing plot.
Take responsibility for ending your conversation on a positive note. You can say something like “I need to go now, but I’ll be glad to discuss it more sometimes.”
Find a prop
Not all of us can boast of being a super charismatic person. However, there should be a way to draw the attention of other people. They need to have something to remember you for. It’s not a problem even if you don’t talk to people that much.
Think of details that you have on yourself. People do judge the book by its cover. In a bar when you hear nothing but music, you will be attracted to a good-looking person. Physically healthy, clean and stylish.
The prop will also help to send nonverbal signals. This is used more by women, though. When a lady likes you, she will turn the playful mood on. She will play with her bracelets, necklaces, elements on her dress. That’s because she wants a man to remember her. It is true that the prop can also benefit men when it comes to flirt. Needless to say that women are naturally attentive. They will notice a man’s tattoo or a new shirt for sure.
So, improving your visual picture for someone is an excellent signal of you trying to attract somebody. Also, it will be easier for another person to start a conversation with you when you have something special in your hands or your outfit. For example, you have a guitar with yourself. There is definitely a story behind it. Instantly you two will have a topic to talk about!
Be able to joke
Psychologist Geoffrey Miller in his book The Mating Mind proved that humor is a significant aspect of flirting. Don’t think that you make a clown of yourself. When you tell a joke, you show the other person how creative and smart you are. Joking around requires abstract thinking and a quick brain. Good news is that you can learn how to do it, it is a matter of practice just like anything else. Think of what makes you usually laugh, watch more stand-ups, and try telling jokes to someone you are comfortable with. It’s a skill. Why being able to tell a joke is essential?
First of all, the other person will see how much you are trying to make her or him laugh and appreciate it. Your signal will be clear. Secondly, it shows you are confident because joking with strangers is difficult. You will be surprised to know how many people are actually scared to death to do it.
Remember, if your joke isn’t funny enough, make fun of this. Another advantage of making jokes is that you can analyze how the other person reacts. Let’s say you understand that your joke is really weak, but your date laughs anyway. What does it mean, Louis CK?
That can be very confusing. You have learned already about how to show the other person your attraction, openness, and admiration. Keep in mind that flirting is a game and it shouldn’t be that obvious. There should be a mystery. Men understand that woman who is hard to get has a value. She is special because man will put an effort to draw her attention.
Men, for instance, also use this strategy a lot. According to research in Evolution & Human Behavior, women are attracted to rebels, so-called bad guys. The hero is always confident. And the most important, he keeps his cards close. It means he doesn't show his true feelings and intentions and leaves a girl wanting more. Nice guys who are always being friendly and helpful cannot understand why this incredible woman falls for a bad guy. That's because women like conquering just as much as men do. It comes from “Every girl wants to get him, but he will be mine.”
However, you can benefit a lot if you use the strategy of being unapproachable in a smart way. If you want to apply this strategy, you:
Don’t tell the other person everything about yourself. That’s the wrong way to flirt on the first date. Don’t make your partner bored, leave him or her a little hungry.
Don’t get obsessed over that person. Flirting between two people should be natural and easy-going. You should definitely say no to stalking on the Internet, calling several times a day or chasing after. Have self-respect and don’t make it look creepy.
Don’t say it directly. This is a golden rule of flirting.
Here is an example:
You can come over to your colleague and say that you have two tickets to that fancy party and ask her or him out. From another hand, you can tease your colleague just a little bit. Smile first. Behave like you know a juicy secret, then ask your colleague about the plans for the evening. And, just to make it more interesting, move your conversation to the different direction. And only afterward when your colleague is in anticipation (I was asked about the plans, was it an invitation?) and done guessing what you mean, you can show the tickets.
You could say it directly, but you could also easily lose the battle. When you speak indirectly, you have some time to understand if this person is interested in you. Ladies and Gentlemen, flirting will save all of us!
How to flirt with body language
Touching can change the whole picture. Let’s say you are on a date and you barely know this person, but you would like this evening to end at least with a kiss. How can you cross the line if you are complete strangers to each other?
Before you kiss, you will have to show that you are interested in this. It is the same for men and women. Also, you need to check if your date wants the same.
You can be charming the whole evening, but apparently, there should be something more than that. It’s time to use the main weapon - body language.
People read us subconsciously. They can understand when you are confident and when you feel anxious. Try to analyze your positions. Are you sitting with your hands and legs crossed? Are you standing far away from your date? Once you notice all this, you will able to start working on that and improve your chances.
How can you use your body language on a full scale?
#1 Greet your date with a hug
No matter who is in front of you, whether it is your first date, husband or wife. You can say that you have a great day and you feel happy. Meeting person for the first time (maybe your common friend introduced you) is also a great occasion to hug. It will show how cheerful and open you are.
#2 Open gestures
Sit comfortably. Imagine you are at home in your pajamas. That’s why you need to be in your comfortable clothes. When you are relaxed, you look more confident. Don’t cross legs or hands in front of you. If you are sitting in front of the person, make sure there is nothing in between you on the table. Don’t hide behind plates, books or plants.
#3 Be close
Lean in toward your date while listening to the story. It will help you to show that you are genuinely interested in what your partner is saying.
Pretend to tell a secret. You can actually say something playful like “I want to tell you something, but don’t you dare tell anyone” and lean in to say something into your date’s ear. It ruins the wall between you. This is how you can flirt sexually. Feel free to use it when you want to flirt with a guy while watching a movie.
#4 Tilt your head
You have probably seen girls doing it a lot. However, guys are welcome to do it as well.
When you tilt your head, you show your naked neck, such a vulnerable place. Subconsciously, you show how you trust the other person. Plus, it also symbolizes genuine interest.
#5 Accidental touch
Gentle accidental touch can show your feelings without words. It might be misunderstood in some cases. However, you can always say it was an accident. If you see that the other person likes it, try something more than just touching the hand. You can give a hug. Flirt without talking!
#6 Use your lips
If you want to flirt with a guy you like, you can use this seductive technique.
Not for kissing, you silly! You can try biting your lips and seduce your date. It shows that you are interested in continuing your meeting somewhere else that you are available and you find the other person attractive.
Don’t overdo it though. You don’t want to look like this shy person who is biting lips all the time. Make it look smooth instead. Like you have little sugar on your lips, but you don’t want anybody to see you licking it.
Have you ever had a conversation with a customer support assistant over the phone? If it is a good company with high standards, they don’t keep rude and dishonest employees. They are usually nice and always know what to say to their client. It is because they have a manual in front of them, and they are obliged to be supportive and careful with the words.
Have you ever noticed that they usually don’t say anything like “no,” “it’s impossible,” “there is no option for that”? Instead, they use exclusively positive language.
“No” becomes “let me check what I can do for you.”
“It’s impossible” is “One thing that is possible..”
Instead of “There is no option for that” they say “There is an option only for.”
You may wonder how can it help in flirting. The truth is that it is the Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) technique that is commonly used in any kind of personal or business communication. It gives hope and support. It helps to prevent confrontation. Also, it reprograms our minds for good. It can even help to flirt with an oblivious guy.
Flirting is an enjoyable activity that makes people happy. Your date will feel weird if you use words such as “I hate,” “I despise,” “awful,” “tragedy” and so on. It’s always better to say that you are not a big fan of something or that it wasn’t as great as you expected. So, try to get rid of negative language, complaining and judging others.
The story that starts with “I was robbed” yesterday might be interesting. But the person you are flirting with might feel anxious at the end of the day. The story is disturbing itself.
You want to leave your date happy, inspired and satisfied. So, use positive language and try to speak about the others (if you start gossiping ) in the right way. Compliment others and show your date that you are not the one who envies.
One more thing. If you start telling a disturbing story, make sure at least to finish it with a joke. Let there be a happy end with music and dancing!
Let’s say your date is being negative today and can’t do anything about it. You understand that it may ruin your flirting and the whole evening. Fortunately, there is something you can do about it. Rescue the princess!
This NLP technique of leading can be used in flirting and mostly in any kind of communication.
Leading is crucial because you show your confidence and creativity. Luckily, it also works in your favor. Your date is negative, but you can turn it the other way around and make your partner turned on instead.
Positive language and your good mood aren’t enough. Your date will not want to hear about your great day at work. It will be annoying, and he or she might feel lonely and misunderstood. So, at first, you need to agree and pretend to feel the pain. It will help you to flirt better and make your own rules.
“Oh sweety, your boss is such a jerk(angry face) ”
“Did she tell you this? (surprised face) She was totally unfair to you.”
“How could they do this to you?! You deserve better(empathy face)”
If the other person is angry, show them the same feeling. After that, this person will feel your support. Even though you have just repeated what was said before and nothing new.
You will see in the look that the person started trusting you. Later you can change your mood to a different one. The one you want.
You were angry because your date was angry. Now change your mood and see how the other person will follow you. You can start being playful, seductive, anything you want! You are empathetic, and your date feels obligated to be empathetic just as much.
You must have heard about it. This trick helps to establish the relationship and curry favor with your date.
All you need to do :
Start speaking using the same speed and gestures
Look at people as much as they look at you
Try to copy the way they sit
There is only one advice. Don’t overdo it. You want to flirt with a girl or a boy without being obvious. So, change your moves slowly and concentrate on the position of your head and hands.
How to flirt with an introvert
Not all people are open and easy-going. They won’t laugh out loud on your joke or play with drinking straw just to show that they like you. You need to try a different approach.
If you know how to flirt with shy girls or boys, you can consider yourself an expert in flirting. Let’s see how you can become one.
Make the first step
If someone is an introvert, it doesn’t mean they are not able to make a conversation. On the contrary, they are good listeners, and they will want to know more about you. In the manual, you have learned that the best way to flirt is to ask questions. People, in most cases, enjoy talking about themselves.
However, introverts aren’t like that. They might feel more comfortable to tell you about themselves and flirt via text. Respect it and don’t push them to do it differently. Show initiative and remember that once an introvert knows you better, the things will be different. But in the beginning, it is your responsibility to take the first step.
When you flirt with a person who doesn’t know you very well and even looks uncomfortable around you, tell them you feel the same way. Even if you don’t. Just don’t be afraid to look vulnerable or silly. It is ok to joke saying that you are not an expert in flirting, but you can try your best. Make introverts laugh. It will help them to trigger positive emotions and remember you like this great guy.
Besides, you can touch introverts while they are laughing. Nothing sexual, you can accidentally touch the hand or shoulder. You see, it is a little Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) trick that can help introverts(anybody essentially) to create an association that they feel happy when you are around.
Compliments are essential when you want to flirt with anybody. Complimenting plays a crucial role in communication with introverts. You need to show that you value their personality, so it is better to point out how smart and unique they are.
If you see that there are people who don’t only like to spend time by themselves but also have a problem with talking to others, give a compliment about their look. It will make girls act girly, and guys feel wanted.
Sometimes they don’t know how to communicate so you can direct them with compliments.
Give it some time
Sometimes introverts might not want to come out of the shell. They feel comfortable staying at home with their movies, books, different hobbies. You don’t have to crack the shell of an introvert, it is just the way they are. So, flirt without being creepy. If you show enough interest in the person, introverts might invite you to be their guest.
Flirting with introverts should remind you of a good old movie with deep conversations and slowly moves.
As you can see, from time to time, introverts want to remain their personal space. So, don’t worry when they leave early or don't answer all your messages the same evening. What you need to say in the case when introverts distance themselves, is that you understand it all and respect it. It is sexy and unique because everyone wants to be appreciated.
How to flirt on Tinder
Of course, it is not the same as flirting in real life, but it can give you extra points. Not always we are able to meet each other at the party or at work. We may even like people who live so far away from us. In this case, there should be a way to get them like us somehow differently. Remember that words are powerful, and there is nothing better than being able to impress someone with your enthusiasm, erudition and the good sense of humor.
If you want to get closer to a particular person, learn how to flirt over text.
Tinder is a great possibility to meet someone you’d like to date. This platform was created for its users to meet others, spend a good night or even a lifetime together. However, the competition is pretty high. You find a person you like, but you have only one little chance to interest this person. How do you do it if not in the text message? Unless you are someone who is stalking others.
#1 Writing the first message
The first step is probably the most difficult one.
You need to show your confidence and strength. How can you do it? You should write the first message. You can spend the whole life waiting for someone to write to you first. Doesn’t matter if you are a boy or a girl. Write the first message. Showing that you are eager to meet up and have a good time is the whole idea of Tinder. That’s the point why you are there, isn't it?
#2 Learn your target really well
It would be great if your Tinder date had a description below the picture or link to Instagram. Play a detective just a little bit. Maybe there is something in her or his photographs that you can use. The image with a guitar or with a dog.
You need to show a sincere interest in this person. People enjoy speaking about themselves. You can use this weakness against them. Start a conversation by asking a question. Everyone gets simple “How are you?” on Tinder million times per day. If you see that somebody likes traveling, ask about their favorite place in the world. Say that you are planning on traveling right now and what is coincidence… you found someone who likes it just as much! It will help you to build a connection with anybody essentially. Plus, a person you are writing with will feel so comfortable and enthusiastic to talk about something familiar.
By the way, it goes both ways. Add pictures of yourself that can say something about you. It will make it easier for others who are brave enough to write the first message.
#3 Make the right impression
Try to understand why you are both on Tinder. Maybe you have the same intentions and can make a beautiful couple together. Here is the right time to use everything you know about the flirting.
You have to make the right impression and see if a person follows after you. If you are up to one-night stand, point out that you’d love to spend a good time with this person and just have fun. And look at the reaction. If you are interested in getting to know your Tinder date better, write a message saying about it.
#4 Don’t fall off the radar
Remember to finish your conversation when you still feel like chatting. Leave something for the dessert! You shouldn’t tell everything in one message because you need to leave at least one topic to discuss in real life. Another important thing is to say a proper goodbye. Disappearing without saying goodbye is rude.
Make an effort to write something like:
I need to go now. I’ll be thinking about what you said.
Good talking with you.
Don't forget to be excellent.
See you on the other side.
If you have a good sense of humor, use your weapon against the Tinder match! Make a joke!
#5 Eliminate some question marks
Don’t ask “what's are you up to.” It is the same as asking the person to entertain you. “Please, figure out where we will go tonight.” It shows that you don’t put too much thought into this. If you want to show that you are a confident person, make a statement. For example:
I’m going to this party tonight. You should come!
Don’t give the other person the right to choose. Be creative and show that you have a plan.
#6 Make it playful
There is no need to be serious. Leave it for real life. When you flirt with guys over text, be playful and easy-going. You may not like chatting so much, but it would be weird to ignore this way of communication nowadays. For example, it’s creepy to call someone just to tell something like “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you. Ok, bye”. From another hand, it is ok if you write only one message and nothing more.
Smart and sexy messages are welcome but don’t forget to give it a playful tone. How can you do it over the text? You should use everything that chatting has to offer. This person cannot see you or hear your voice.
So, flirt with emojis as well. Look at this example:
I think you are wrong!
I think you are wrong ;)
It looks so different! The person from another side of the screen should understand that you are being silly, and this isn’t a confrontation at all.
It doesn’t matter whether you flirt in high school or at the workplace. Don’t hesitate to use funny emojis.
Just don’t overuse it. You want to look playful, not silly. Don’t use emojis instead of words. For example, if your Tinder match offers you to go on a date, don’t send just a smiley face. Write instead: "looking forward to it," and then you can add the smiling face.
#7 Invest as much as the other person
For example, you have got simple “Hey,” and you think how about you need to respond back to it. This person looks sexy and has an exciting description below the picture, and of course, you want this conversation to last longer. What should you do? Invest as much effort as your tinder match. It is necessary because you don’t want to overwhelm the other person.
-Hey! I’m doing great! How are you? Oh, can you tell me something about yourself? Nice picture btw!
It may scare your tinder match away! Yes, you need to ask questions but in a reasonable quantity. Otherwise, it will be annoying.
Flirting on social media is tricky because you never know what is behind these messages and emojis. From another hand, it is a modern way to meet with people and talk to them. There is always a real person behind a cute picture. So, don’t hesitate to flirt on Instagram or Facebook. It’s an easy way to make new friends and meet the love of your life because you can prepare your flirting strategy while chatting. You have time to think about the joke or the next direction where you can take your conversation to.
If you know how to flirt online, fair to say, it won’t be a problem to do it in real life. Just add open gestures, good smell of perfume and lowlight. Your scenario has already been prepared. Feel free to discuss on a date something you have been chatting about previously.
How to flirt on Instagram
People are eager to share their lives with others nowadays. Not only with family and close friends. Everybody can be visible right now. Users of Instagram add locations and hashtags so strangers can easily find them and follow. Everything can happen. You may also really like someone whom you have never seen in real life. You just saw some fantastic pictures and read a few texts below. You actually can flirt on Instagram with a guy you don't know. There is nothing wrong with it. Maybe it isn’t just a random person on Instagram. What if it is your future girlfriend or boyfriend?
Firstly, try to get to know your crush a little bit. Take your time, you need to know what you are buying. Watch her or his stories, look at all the pictures. Maybe now you can say something about your future date.
What is this person like?
Where does he like to go?
You need to know all this. You don't want to start with copy-pasted pick up lines, do you? It is pretty cheap. If you're going to meet this person in real life, be original.
At first, make sure to follow your crush on Instagram, write some comments from time to time. It is better to avoid writing comments about the appearance. Especially about the body parts. It may look rude and cheesy. A girl with 100.000 followers gets this kind of comments every day. So she won’t think of you as an original person.
If you see that your Instagram queen or king likes taking pictures, consider it a topic to talk about. Compliment the skills and ask for a piece of advice. People like when you make them feel important. You can also add that there is no need to answer your questions immediately. Create an easy-going self-image and don’t be pushy. You should understand that people usually don’t care about the strangers who appear and disappear in the chat. They care about friends. So, become one as well. Flirting can help you with that.
Send funny pictures (something that can put a smile on anybody’s face)
Ask for an opinion
Use winky and smiley emojis
Imagine that you have known each other for a long time. This trick can be helpful when you feel nervous flirting with a stranger. Tell yourself that you are chatting not with this handsome man or shockingly beautiful woman but with your good friend.
You can’t flirt by touching or playing with your hair. It’s Instagram. Words and visual elements are the most powerful.
If you want to establish a good relationship with your Instagram crush and have a date, feel free to use the next line:
I feel like we have known each other for a long time. I think you understand me very well.
Does it make you look vulnerable? Maybe. On the contrary, you show that you have nothing to hide. You can spend days flirting on Instagram with different people. It is just the first level. You will definitely have more fun flirting in real life, so do not hesitate to meet up over the cup of coffee.
Flirt in a relationship
Do you remember your first date with your husband or wife? Do you remember how exciting first kiss or first sex was? It was the mix of embarrassment, awkwardness, and anticipation. It felt great because it was just the beginning of something unknown. There was a kind of a mystery between you two. And it was before you got to know that your partner has a problem with self-esteem or intimate hygiene. However, flirt with beloved ones, whom we have known for a long time, is healthy.
There is no need to be strangers to feel zsa zsa zsu inside of you.
Flirting rewards us emotionally, gives us energy, helps to create a good mood. Even if you are not really good at flirt, you still can feel fantastic once you realize that your partner is flirting with you.
With time couples tend to forget that flirting is essential.
“I don’t need to flirt with my husband, he is already in my bed.”
Well, he might be in her bed, loving and wanting her. But how can he know that she loves and wants him just as much?
Partners are getting used to the routine and stop seeing the basic needs of each other. They think that everything is great and nothing will ever change. But this plant needs some water to survive!
You can always flirt with your best friend or coworker when your partner isn’t around. It can be fun and beneficial. However, it cannot guarantee you pure happiness.
According to Chris Armstrong, Relationship Coach and Diversity Advocate states that partners who tend to flirt with everybody and not with each other, lose trust in the relationship. As a result, it leads to a breakup.
Flirting in a relationship helps :
Remind yourself why you are with that person.
Increase your self-esteem. You will feel loved and wanted.
Improve the quality of your sex life. Sex in your relationship should not be on schedule. Be spontaneous, do it when you feel like it.
Create a good mood
Avoid routine that leads to breaking up
Flirting with others while in a relationship
As you’ve learned, flirting can benefit you in many cases. It can help you to get what you want, from a discount in the shop to a sexual relationship. As you can see, flirting isn’t only for lovers. On the contrary, it can be used in many different situations.
Flirting is very healthy. It can not only help to establish a good relationship with other people, but it also can make you feel better. Fun combined with compliments can guarantee a good mood for the rest of the day!
But how can we understand when harmless flirting crosses the line? When it becomes cheating?
When flirting becomes a secret
Let’s imagine the next situation. You had a really lovely time with this colleague of yours. You were laughing so hard together. And it was clear to you that your college actually likes you. Suddenly, without reason, you start deleting messages from him or her. You try to speak to your colleague so others won’t hear you. Subconsciously, you understand that your boyfriend or girlfriend will be upset to know that you are flirting with somebody and hiding it. If you want to stay friendly and be honest, tell your co-worker that you are in the relationship. It shouldn’t be a secret to anyone. That is how you can keep your friend on the distance while having fun together.
Put yourself on a place of your partner. Your favorite person wants you to be happy. But also wants to feel secure in the relationship.
Turn everything into a sexual innuendo
If you feel that flirting with the other person turns you on. You start discussing sexual fantasies, you start thinking of this person like someone you’d have an affair with. It is a sexual game, so it is better to stop and set your priorities.
It takes a lot of time
From one hand, it doesn’t hurt to joke a little bit with your colleague. From another side, if it is regular communication that takes a lot more time than with your partner, think it over. Are you sure that you are just friends and flirt only for amusement?
When it comes to self-justification
Have you ever heard someone saying “It’s just a friend”? If everything is clear from the beginning, you will not need to justify yourself with these words.
When you complain about your partner
Let's say you trust your friend, you have fun together. Sometimes there are hints, but you think that it is not something dangerous because your friend knows that you are in the relationship. Something goes wrong, and you have a fight with your partner. Do you really need to tell the whole story to a person you are flirting with?
Flirting and complaints cannot be mixed. It’s the same as saying "Please, take me out of this relationship. We have so much fun, and it is not the same as with my partner."
Don'ts in flirting
Don’t act like a needy person
Don’t overtext to your date. You are not an entertaining monkey, so it is not you who should tell the stories all day. You can be exhausted, or your behavior might be considered annoying. Flirting is a game for two.
Don’t pretend to be someone else
You might want to impress your date, and you invite her or him to this fancy restaurant. It might be exciting indeed. However, don’t make the wrong impression. If you don’t go to such places usually, why do you want to look like you do? Take your date to your favorite place that can say something about you. It can be a park, a school library or coffee place. Once you are there on the date, you can tell a story about the area.
When you flirt with a guy over text messaging, drop the information that actually you have someone. You can have a nice time talking or chatting with other people, but don’t look available if you are not.
Not everybody is good at lying. At some point, you will be undercovered, so don’t risk the relationship with this person.
Don’t speak about the exes
Once you are flirting with someone, forget that other people exist. You should primarily focus on the person who is sitting next to you. Talking about exes is a risky topic.
It doesn’t look nice when you trash your ex. It was your choice to stay with that person in not the healthiest relationship ever for so long. So, who's the fool?
Complimenting your ex in front of your date is a big NO. Even though it was excellent to be together and you broke up in a very mature way. It won’t impress anyone else except you. Also, it is always awkward because it raises a question. If everything was that good, why are flirting with someone else right now? When you flirt, it’s better to talk about your target - your date.
Don’t invade personal space
There is so much more between flirting and kissing. When you flirt with a random girl whom you have just met, keep the distance. You want it to be flirting, not harassing. Only when you see that the other person laughs at your jokes or tries to touch you accidentally, you can go to phase number two and get closer.
How to flirt with everybody, based on their zodiac sign
Sometimes stars can lead you in how to communicate with certain people. We are different, but something unites us anyway. So, if you know the zodiac sign of a person you want to flirt with, there is a manual on how to do it below. Use it smartly.
How to flirt with Aries
Even though Aries like to take responsibility for others, they will merely welcome your initiative. Let them relax at least with you! You should be spontaneous with them. You will win Aries over if you surprise them. Maybe you can do magic or know a cool place to spend this evening in. The one thing you shouldn’t do is comparing Aries to others. Even if it's a joke. They want to feel unique and important to you. So, it's better if you speak only about yourself and Aries, of course. Don't forget to be confident when you flirt with an Aries man.
How to flirt with Taurus
Tauruses will really appreciate it if you find some time to cook their favorite meal. They really like to speak about themselves, so do not hesitate to ask questions. A person of this sign likes planning, so don’t be very spontaneous and persistent. If you want to flirt with Taurus man, don’t hide your intentions. Tauruses like it to be straightforward and easygoing. They will really appreciate honesty, so don’t be afraid to say at some point that you find them attractive. It will give you extra points!
How to flirt with Gemini
Geminis enjoy the full-scale game. So, make sure to set up your own rules before Gemini does it... If you want to get Gemini to like you, you need to use the power of your brain. People born in this zodiac sign are more likely to enjoy an intellectual conversation. You will get the attention when you impress Gemini with your knowledge in different fields. You don’t have to be an expert because Gemini wouldn't like to discuss only one topic. They want it fast and unpredictably. So, change topics as quickly as you can. It’s pretty easy to understand when Gemini likes you. They will laugh at your joke. Consider it as the best sign.
How to flirt with Cancer
Cancers value an emotional connection. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable around them. If you are in a strange mood but still want to speak with Cancers, tell them as it is. It’s ok to say that you are sad today because your wallet was stolen. Or you can explain why you feel so excited today. Saying that you got promoted isn't showing off. At least not for Cancers. Treat them as best friends and just be yourself. Also, you should definitely try asking Cancer for advice. It will instantly help to build an emotional connection between you two.
How to flirt with Leo
Any compliments will work with Leos. They like attention and will not question anything you say. As long as it is positive and about them. Leos will give you an extra point if you praise them in front of someone. Yes, they are vain, and they perfectly know about it. However, they don’t want you to point at this. It will make them feel vulnerable, and this is the last thing you want them to feel. You need to win their trust, not the opposite. So, in the first stage, you should show that you agree with them. You will be surprised to see how Leos can open to you.
How to flirt with Virgo
If you want to flirt with Virgo woman or Virgo man, pay attention to details. Virgos will notice the way you sit or look at them. So, you can make a real show for them. Anything can work! You can play with your hair or bracelets. Show your charming smile and use other non-verbal signals with Virgos. It can be a confident handshake or good eye-contact.
They will notice your new dress or tie. Most probably Virgos will compliment on it if they like you back. So, don’t say anything like "oh, this thing is actually old.” Simple “Thank you” will be just enough for Virgos.
How to flirt with Libra
Libras like easy-going people. Don’t try to justify yourself to them or complain. It might destroy your connection because Libras values harmony and a positive attitude. So, just give them what they want. Let them remember that when they are with you, they are entertained and safe. You can open to Libras more when you are emotionally connected with them. You will be glad to discover that Libras are actually very helpful and wise. Flirt is a game. So make it easy and fun.
How to flirt with Scorpio
In the case with Scorpions, don’t be afraid to open up. Show them that you are a passionate person. Feel free to tell them about your hobbies, work or trips. Anything that makes your eyes sparkle. You are beautiful to them when you are excited. Unblock your sexual energy and use it against Scorpions. Be satisfied with your look, exercise more and love yourself first. Scorpios won’t be able to resist that.
When you flirt with a Scorpio man, don’t be shy to discuss your fantasies with him. Speak about the perfect vacation or perfect future house, anything that will put a pleasant smile on your face.
How to flirt with Sagittarius
When you flirt with Sagittarius, try to be active and energetic. A date with Sagittarius is like playing tag. Be prepared to run fast! As you understand, there wouldn't be anything wrong if you show how childish and easy-going you can be. Humor can be beneficial if you want to connect with Sagittarius. Joking around together means finding common ground.
How to flirt with Capricorn
Capricorns are severe people, so the game you tend to play with them shouldn’t be that obvious. Be prepared to wait until Capricorns open to you. They are not easy-going. However, they will be devoted partners. Let them get used to you first.
If you want to show that you like them, listen to them carefully. You should get to know what their hobbies are. You can give them little presents from time to time. Nothing extraordinary. Think of useful gifts that practical people will appreciate.
How to flirt with Aquarius
Aquarians need space, so don’t bother them unless it's clear that they want you to do it. So, make sure you say goodbye when you still have fun. It makes Aquarius wish to meet you again. That’s the right time to be mysterious. If Aquarians read you like an open book, they might lose their interest quickly. Telling everything about yourself on the first date doesn’t benefit you.
How to flirt with Pisces
Pisces are pretty dreamy people and fall in love too easily. So, don’t try to hurt them with manipulations like emotional blackmail. It’s time for a fair play. Be straightforward with them. They will really appreciate seeing how generous you can be with the compliments.
The importance of practice
An average person starts to flirt as a teenager. On some level, people understand that flirting is a crucial skill that can be developed. Remember how scary it was to send a postcard to a girl you had a crush on in childhood? Are you scared the same right now? Hope not!
Attention is a human’s psychological need. Nobody wants to be that kid who plays alone. You can get attention while interacting with other people in the right way.
If you want to be good at flirting, try to think of it as a communication tool. Use it in the right quantity with the right people, and everything will be great. You can try to flirt with barista today, saying a few kind compliments about their look. You can flirt with a guy at the gym tomorrow using only your smile and eye contact.
When people see that you are interested in them, they start being interested in you. Don’t lose your skills, develop them instead, and you will see that talking to different people is actually not so difficult.